Where all in the dark, where all alone, we all want to be heard. If we didnt then why would we spill our guts out on live journal. We all need somebody to listen.
Yeah I just watch *pump up the volume* cause im having a christian slater day. And you know what even though its a film, its true what he said. Why do i watch films now and see a deeper darker side of everything. Is it cause I understand now.
Life is one whole fucked up place. but why are we all fucked up in one way or another, cause of the people around us that dont know us, only see what they think they see, we are all scared to show who we really are. Do you think anyone really knows who we are? do you really let anyone see the real you.
Told you films get to me.
Noone really knows me, step inside my bedroom and your see the darker side of me, its the heart of me. the only ones that know me are people that I trust, care about. But still they dont see the real me. Im afraid just like all of you. But why the fuck should we be afarid to talk, its free speach.
I bet if you sat and watched this film right now you would totally understand where he came from and where i am now coming from. We are all running away from something. You think just cause you dont open up as much as others it makes you a different person, well your not. Deep down inside we are all the same. we all need something.
Why would we all be here if we wasnt, we all want the same thing, to be happy right, who wouldnt want to be happy. And dont tell me your all happy cause its bollox and you know it. If we were happy if we all had the lives we wanted, why would we be here in the first place. We wouldnt, we wouldnt need this place to come to. we would be out living the life we wanted.
we wouldnt be making friends online instead of making them in real life only.
Yeah some of us have most of what we want but there is always something missing. Noone in this world has everything. Money cant buy happiness. And you cant change the way people judge you or talk about you or feel about you or except you. We cant change the world around us not really. And they say if you cant change the world then change who you are. Well thats bollox too, you can dye your hair, change the colthes you wear, change your attitude. but underneath your always be the same. Its a mask, it cant kind whats inside. just the outside. Yeah you can lie, you can put on this great act, you can be as fake as you want to be to be apart of this world. But no matter what you say or do you was born one way and one way only to be you. So why should you hide it.
I come here for a reason and one reason only, to be heard, for people to actually read and listen to what im saying, NOONE fucking listens to me really in real life, noone really cares. My family dont even know who I am. And people dont even give me a chance to really be who I want to be. Im scared that if i gave them an inch they would run away, and some have seen parts of me and run, can you imagine if they saw all of who i am.
I might get slaged off here sometimes but its still feed back its still someone talking back someone that has actually read what im writing. Im sick of hiding im sick of being afraid. But if I really became the person i am id probably be arrested lol Sometimes i want to do really crazy things, i really do. and parts of that person is starting to slowly come out.
parts of me want to scream so loud and keep on screaming untill i loose my voice. part of me wants to come into work and say you know what FUCK YOU! and then just walk. parts of me want to get on train and go where ever that train takes me.
You know what I really hate, all this poiltics and legal crap! Thats why I hate watching the news. All this fucking power crap, why does there have to be presidents and poletions id love to make a stand, you know with a huge great big sign saying we dont need you. I loved one of the beatles songs *ALL WE NEED IS LOVE* I really think I should have been around in the sixties. I want to run away, I want to say fuck it to everything.
I really believe that people are afraid of there own shadow at times and anyone that is different from them, but deep down there just as hidden, everyone is holding back, everyone is stopping themselves to really open up to the world. WHY! its simple cause people will think we are insane. Im not insane i just want to be free to do and write what i want without being fucked over and judge for it. But we dont live in that kind of world.
I really wish there was someone like Happy harry hard on, we can all be like him, but instead of hiding come out, like he did at the end. What is it we are all afraid of really. Why cant we all be excepted.
This is the world i want to live in and this is the closest im ever going to get to it. Thats the real reason im here.
now im thinking i might get comments saying you watch to many movies, you need to go see a shrink. Well thats ok, im ok with that. its more than id get in real life. If we wasnt alone we wouldnt be here searching for for answers for someone to like us except us know ius want us need us love us.
Most people i know on here have met people they are now with from here. WHY? Why do we do this? Why not find someone where we live. CAUSE we are all looking for the same thing, and we cant find it in real life so we find it on the net, Thats becomes real life cause we go and meet them. But are we the same then as we were on the net. Or do you hide more with that person than you did before you met.
I have met women and men from here and everyone was amazing in there own way. Some i still talk too others have dissaperad from the face of the earth. The people that leave are afraid, maybe i showed too much of myself to fast. Or maybe they saw too much of themselves in me.
Sometimes we look for the total opersit sometimes we look for people that are the same, but we are all looking. How easy is it to go and talk to someone thease days, how easy is it to make friends. Its not easy its fucking hard.
Why do we want to tell the world our lives, cause deep down we really want people to know us. Just some wont admit to it.
I want to be a singer and song writer and an actress but im too scared cause im scared of reality. Im scared to be judged by the world. So i write here. If I wasnt scared i would have done it years ago. Now if the world was a nicer place then yeah id go for it alright but the truth is it isnt its a fucking evil twisted place. the people that do come out our the brave ones. So maybe just maybe i am one of thoes people today. But only here.
Once when i was in town i really wanted to go into a shop and pick up lots of clothes and walk out. WHY? cause i want to be noticed. We are here for attention. We dont get it anywhere else. not really. Yeah we might have friends back home, so why look else where for everything.
You all know what im eriting is the truth, just the fact is who here today is going to admit to it. ARE YOU? I just have.
I wont judge you, ill believe in you more. Not everyone wants to come out of the dark, but we all need a light on to see our way through it. Is this the dark or the light you tell me. God this film really got to me didnt it. lol
maybe im trying to be like happy harry hard on but a female version. happy harriet cant think of another H word lol
Sometimes i really dont know what id do without you guys, i say my daughter keeps me alive but you know what so do you. And i think i know why i cant stop coming here, cause all the people that i care about are here. So going to other places is fine but your not all there so i come here again and again.
I dont even think i want to leave this place. ever. :'(
cause your all apart of my life too.
And i love you guys.
thanx for being there for me listening to me reading what i write. Ill never ever forget it. or you.
Please reply... with what ever you feel, I know i dont know who you really are. so i now aploguise for anything i may have said that got to you. But then you have to think to yourself if it got to you then why?
You know today i have done nothing, not even had a bath or cleaned the house, i have just stayed in my pj's cause basically there is no reason to do anything.
WE ARE ALL ALONE thats why we come here.
Sometimes when your in a room full of people. lets say a party or a club or bar or a family get together. Do you at one moment stop and think youtr alone. maybe its all in my head right, maybe its just me that thinks and feels this way. IS IT JUST ME?
Lets all become real friends, lets all start telling the truth. lets all start being who we really want to be.
FREE! dont you just love that word, free, freedom. Or maybe we are too free. isnt free another way of saying we are alone. God i cant stop talking bollox lol
I think this is probably the most you guys will see of me. the inside of me anyways. Im not going to run anymore. If anyone hear cant handle the way i truely open up and say what i feel im sorry i really am. But your the one who is afraid not me.
Wow now i find that parts of me are not afrid as i thought i was and braver than i thought i was. See you guys have helped me without even knowing it. You guys have made me stronger by me saying what i am saying now.
Im basically saying the same shit over and over again just wording it differently, but its the same deep down.
Im signing off now.
well thats my real name, why do i hate my real name so much, is it cause i hate who i am, and if so why? is it cause the person julie is isnt who i want to be so i become jewelz the person i want to be.
We all use usernames why? why cant we use our real names?
cause we are hiding yet again. GOD the whole fucking net is filled up with people hiding. We are all hiding behind this fucking screen. Than god for web cam :D thats what I say.
ok one more thing, some people tell me to get off the net and get a life, yeah i totally agree.
BUT WHO HERE CAN DO THE SAME, CAN YOU LEAVE THE NET TOTALLY? IM GUESSING NO! WHY? I have already told you my reason for not leaving. CAN YOU?